I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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