the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
