Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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