..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
