I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
