; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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