Betty ford says i'm here all night
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
