She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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