well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
