He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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