Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
