So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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