woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You can't special order awesome
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
