I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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