I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
