my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
