i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
