If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
