I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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