can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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