I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize