He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
