oh god the rape fog is back!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
