So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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