I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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