if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
