Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
