you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
