I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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