the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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