Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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