my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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