The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
