so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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