Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
