wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
