I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
