thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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