I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
