What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
