nut hugger
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
