Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
