1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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