Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
