he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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