I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
