mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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