it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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