I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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