You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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