I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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