U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
