very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it because I queefed?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
