So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Text me some of your sweat
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
