I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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