ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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