Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
